What Is a Doula? Reflections from the Thresholds of Life and Birth
When I became pregnant with my first child in 2015, I encountered the word doula—and it immediately resonated. Over time, it became more than a role; it became part of who I am. Today, I read about doulas, train as one, support families, and live and breathe the work daily. Still, I’m often reminded how unfamiliar the term remains for many.
Just recently, a friend pregnant with her third child told me she had never heard the word doula. That moment reminded me of the importance of continuing to speak about this work.
So, What Is a Doula?
A doula is someone who walks with you through a threshold moment—a life transition or rite of passage. This could be the experience of birth, the decision of abortion, or the process of dying. These moments are deeply human, often intense, and never meant to be faced alone.
We are wired for connection. During major transitions, we need not only medical care, but also emotional and relational support—someone who sees us, hears us, and reminds us we are not alone.
A Personal Story
During my first birth, I labored at home alone until just before the baby arrived. I was overwhelmed, convinced I was dying. When my doula entered the room, everything changed. Her presence—her calm voice and grounded energy—helped me stay tethered to reality. I wasn’t alone anymore, and that made all the difference.
My partner was there too, doing his best, but he was as overwhelmed as I was. My doula held a different role: she wasn’t afraid. She knew what birth looked like, what it required. She held space for me with steadiness and trust, even when I couldn’t hold it for myself.
What a Doula Offers
A doula does not replace a partner, midwife, or doctor. She complements them, offering a unique kind of support: consistent presence, physical and emotional grounding, deep listening, and an unwavering belief in your strength—even when you forget it yourself.
This work isn’t only for birth. I see doula support as essential in many threshold experiences where people need to feel seen, safe, and held.
Lessons from the Youngest Among Us
My daily work with babies continues to inform how I approach doula care. Babies remind me that communication begins with presence—through body language, sound, energy, and emotional attunement. They invite us to slow down, to listen with all our senses, and to meet others without judgment or agenda.
The essence of both my work with babies and my calling as a doula is the same: be present. Offer warmth. Trust the process. Hold space without rushing or fixing.
Why This Matters
No one should have to navigate life’s biggest transitions alone.
We all deserve to be held—through birth, through loss, through the disorientation of becoming a parent, and the transformation of what it means to be human.
This is what I offer, and what I continue to learn every day: that presence is powerful, and that being “with” someone—fully, attentively, tenderly—can change everything.
